Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
