Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
