Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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