Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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