one two three fourrrrnication!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
