It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
