I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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