Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
