I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
