did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
