You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
