And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
