Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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