I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
