Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
