He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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