Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
