weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
