If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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