Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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