Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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