After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
