sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
third nipple confirmed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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