I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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