I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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