I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
