how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
