she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
