White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
