I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
