my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
