I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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