Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
