Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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