in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
