yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
