I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
