12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
