So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
