last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
