weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
