Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
