If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
