We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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