worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
