Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
