they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
