Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
