the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
