wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
