I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
