But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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