I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
