A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
someone owes me an orgasm
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
