EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
